ONE YEAR AGO

It's Friday before Christmas - Vanessa was born last year on the Friday before Christmas! Today she woke up singing, very cute in her yellow duckie pyjamas.

Jack and I were laughing, recalling the circumstances of our trip to the OB's office last year. Things were still touch-and-go with the pregnancy and I had an appointment scheduled at 8:15 AM, fifteen minutes before the office even opened. I was hyped about being on time, as only a fully pregnant woman can be. At 8:00 AM, I'm standing at the door with the keys and Daddio is sitting at the kitchen table in his bathrobe, eating his oats and sipping coffee. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? came out of my mouth.

Looking back, we're not exactly sure how our communication wires got crossed. I thought I had made it clear our appointment time was 8:15 but Jack apparently heard we needed to leave at 8:15. Don't mess with a swollen, pre-eclamptic, woman. That's what Jack learned. Luckily Dr. Lickness's office is exactly 1 mile from our house, so we made it on time.

I got hooked up to the contraction monitor and they left my poor husband in the room with me while it ran. My mood swings were incredible - happy and comfortable to suddenly surly then back to happy. We learned later that I was having contractions but didn't know it. Instead of abdominal pain I felt surly. Poor Jack.

My blood pressure had risen in the beginning of the pregnancy, but still remained low. This day last year, however, it finally hit the 140/90 mark that signals preeclampsia. I was not surprised - just relieved. Dr. Lickness was not surprised either. Later, Jack took the blame for the spike in my BP, due to his dilly-dallying.

The only other memory I am relieving over and over is the feeling we got when we scheduled the c-section. We stepped out of the clinic door to go home for 2 hours before the surgery and I had to stop in my tracks to bawl on my husband's shoulder.

There has been so much grief and hope tied up in our existence these past 10 years (since Jack's dad was diagnosed with cancer) I think Vanessa's birth allowed me a humongous release. Like I'd been holding my breath all that time. That's a long time.

So this week I reviewed some old pictures from Vanessa's first week of life and found myself bawling yet again. She still represents so much hope and grief for us. We still can't believe we have a baby in our household.

Tomorrow, on the 22nd, we are having a family get-together with extended family. We'd like to be together for Christmas, but Vanessa's birthday is a bit of a family holiday. In fact, with Vanners coming home on Christmas day, we now think that's her holiday, too. The gift of a baby and the promise of new life is the theme around here, big time. Thanks, God.